At what point in your life do you stop and realize that you truly need help? Are you seeking help, or are you just allowing yourself to wallow in the daily conundrums that continuously affect you in ways that nothing else can. I’m at that point where I know I need help, and its clearly visible to those people surrounding me.
A new acquaintance in my new town asked me today why I was smiling despite me feeling ill. I replied, “It’s a learned habit”. At what point did I learn to ignore my pain and hurting (both mentally and physically) just to appease those who aren’t looking to be appeased?
I think about all that I’ve done in my life. Granted, compared to many others its not much, but its been enough to fill my days. Reflecting on the things I’ve done has gotten me to only realize that not once have I done anything truly for me. I look and see all the things I like to do, but I don’t love it. I don’t love anything. I hardly love myself at times. But the question goes deeper: who am I?
On this skyline of mountainous peaks and deep valleys that create my emotional being, its like I’m hiking along an uncharted path through the rugged terrain, without having a clue how to hike. Not knowing who I am, and then not understanding each swing of my mood makes life all the harder to navigate.
Maybe today I’ll finally stop and ask for directions.
